by Raven Digitalis
I was lucky enough to be born into a family that, for the most part (save the whole “queer” thing), accepts me for my “weirdness” and even encourages personal growth via unconventional means. For this I can never give enough thanks and gratitude. I understand that not everyone is so lucky as to be born into a situation of acceptance and this is a very, very difficult predicament to find oneself in.
More often than not, parents have their kids’ best interest at heart, even if they don’t seem to be expressing it properly. Neither you nor your family is right or wrong in every given situation. They, too, are but human and have their own shortcomings. As young adults, we must understand that we may not always have a clear picture of the bits and details surrounding parental relationships. Our views are subjective and full of emotions, which may or may not be founded in reality. If you feel persecuted or targeted in your own home (and I’m not talking about physical abuse, sexual abuse, or humiliation), know that this feeling will change with time and you will better be able to determine your boundaries and limits in the future. At the same time, your parents may have preconceived notions about what you are researching, and the paths you find yourself drawn toward. Within every family structure there unavoidably lies some amount of misunderstanding and this must be worked through.
More often than not, parents have their kids’ best interest at heart, even if they don’t seem to be expressing it properly. Neither you nor your family is right or wrong in every given situation. They, too, are but human and have their own shortcomings. As young adults, we must understand that we may not always have a clear picture of the bits and details surrounding parental relationships. Our views are subjective and full of emotions, which may or may not be founded in reality. If you feel persecuted or targeted in your own home (and I’m not talking about physical abuse, sexual abuse, or humiliation), know that this feeling will change with time and you will better be able to determine your boundaries and limits in the future. At the same time, your parents may have preconceived notions about what you are researching, and the paths you find yourself drawn toward. Within every family structure there unavoidably lies some amount of misunderstanding and this must be worked through.
If you’re struggling with your family, do keep in mind that you may not be seeing the full extent of their expression and may be seeing only bits and pieces. In youth, the mind and body are not fully developed and we are struggling to find identity in a diverse world. Youths are working to define themselves and their place in the world, and that certainly doesn’t mean that beneficial choices will be made all the time. What’s beneficial to one person may not be to another, which is one reason why our family doesn’t always support all of our choices. It may be founded in personal experience or simply from assumptions, but regardless, negative projections from the family are rooted in love to one degree or another; it’s just that the messages aren’t always transmitted or received properly. Ever mind the Law of Change: Panta rhei, ouden menei (“Everything flows, nothing is static”).
You are not required to reveal the whole of your interests and feelings to your family if it means misunderstandings and negativity will come about. It is an incredible blessing for someone to be gifted with a family who cares and supports you in your endeavors, but this is not the common denominator. Because of the normative social structure, they will probably have trouble accepting your eccentricity and will look at everything you’re into with eyes of caution or even fear. If some of your interests don’t go over well with your family, and you have tried to defend yourself and explain the facts of the matters, you have done all you can. Each generation has a different level of acceptance of unconventional behavior. Everyone sees things differently based on their own understandings from past influences including one’s family, friends, the media, religion, politics, and other factors. If you are young and living with your parents, respect them.
Though it may not seem like it, they most likely have your best interests at heart and love you tremendously. That doesn’t mean they are infallible or that they know the best means of communicating with you or expressing what they’re feeling. Know that your family situation has occurred for a reason: you are teaching them lessons just as they are teaching you; the only thing is that you both have to be accepting and receptive to the family circumstances you find yourselves in. Many parents treat their children wonderfully and respectfully.
Then again, some parents treat their children in ways no human being should ever be treated. If any member of your parents or family abuses you physically, sexually, or severely emotionally, you must seek help in those you trust, certainly not excluding the police or other authoritative figures. If this is not your situation but you know someone for whom it is, encourage them to seek proper assistance.
Previous Work Published On Copper Moon:
Role-Playing and Paganism
Magickal Interior Decorating
The Word "Muggle:" To Say or Not to Say?
Goth Craft: The Magickal Side of Dark Culture By Raven Digitalis
Book Reviewed by Abel R. Gomez
Raven Digitalis & Copper Moon on MTV.com
Visit Raven's Website!
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