by Shadow
Hi, welcome to Paganism – around this corner, we have all sorts of books on how to summon dragons with starlight! Second hall on your right is the office of the Grand Über-Magistrae, Lord Highlander, who will foretell your future for a mere $500 during a physical session of the Great Rite (totally worth it, by the way!). The Great Hall houses our ritual space, where numerous Spirits tells us who is meant to be with whom – no grounding necessary! Please leave your keys, wallet, and diary at the front desk so our council can monitor them, and have fun exploring our home without fear of getting hurt – perfect love and perfect trust after all! Thank you, and have a blessed day!
Wouldn’t it be really nice if it was THAT easy to sense when someone’s trying bullshitting you? Unfortunately, all too often, scams are never this apparent – on the contrary, to the unseasoned eye, most people trying to play you appear downright harmless. Many people whom have been victimized, in one form or another, often don’t realize it until after it’s too late. As members of a young religion, we have to be extra careful to not be taken advantage of by people claiming to be authorities on our religion(s). This goes double for younger Pagans of every stripe, because the simple case of our explorative and (often) accepting nature leaves us especially vulnerable.
What I am about to present to you is my unfortunate story, which is the reason why I bring up this issue. My purpose here is to give you, the reader, a fully fleshed example of what can happen when hucksters, seducers, and/or cons manage to penetrate your defenses and take you for your money’s worth.
It all starts at a Pagan festival of sorts. It was a weekend gathering, with workshops, rituals, and goodies galore to buy up. It was during this time that I met a man whom I will call Chris. He was one of these guys who made it know that he was psychic, a Reiki practitioner, and High Priest in his circle. An “Uh-huh” moment for some, but given that this was a Pagan festival, I expected people to be up front about their practices and abilities anyway, so I didn’t really pay much attention. As it turned out, we were short on rooms for the event, so Chris and his roommates offered me a space in their room to crash in. Nothing happened that weekend beyond what I felt was a friendship forming (though as many of my Circle-mates later told me, he apparently had the hots for me, of which I was totally oblivious to).
During this event, I received my own Reiki attunement from a trusted friend of my circle, who unfortunately lived over an hour away from me. Seemingly innocent enough, Chris offered to instruct me on the basics of Reiki practices back home. As I had no other real outlet, and since I trusted him, I agreed. A week later, he gave me a once over and keyed in on a number of problem areas I knew I was having, leading me to believe he was the real deal.
Prior to Samhain, Chris invited me to come participate in his ritual. Before I go on, I should mention that Chris was trying to affiliate his circle with ours. After my priestess told me it shouldn’t be a problem, I went ahead. Well, during this ritual was the traditional remembrance ceremony typical of Samhain ceremonies. But then he did something interesting – he performed a divination in which he called up a spirit (unnamed, mind you) who spoke through him.
Now, I’m not trying to self-promote myself here, but I have a tendency to be very sensitive to the energies generated by rituals – in fact my priestess has referred to me as a “Vessel” – someone capable of holding Spirit. I’ve never had the latter happen to me before, but I have felt major spiritual highs during and post-ritual.
But in any event, the calling up of a spirit really affected me. For lack of a better word, after having been centered and balanced prior to the ritual, I had a full-on nervous breakdown. We’re talking crying, snotty nose, hyperventilating – the whole nine yards. I had pent-up emotional energies within me, and literally I felt it radiating out of my hands and face. I had to lay face-down on the ground afterward in order to maintain even the slightest bit of composure.
Needless to say, I was energetically drained after the ritual. This was the first time anything like that had happened to me through a ritual, and unfortunately I failed to ground afterward. On the way back to Chris’s home, he offered to further clarify some of the things brought up during this divination.
Gathering around a little fire, and with a glass of vodka-Kool-Aid mix, he began reading his crystal ball. It is here that the real uh-oh’s began to take place. His reading “indicated” a number of things – my commitment to my Circle as well as my choice in career paths among others. But what he really brought forth was my relationship with my boyfriend – Chris declared that I was settling for a life partner, and staying with him would only lead to upset later in life. Basically he touched on every insecurity I had in me, plus all the ones that poured out of me that night. You might ask why I didn’t up and leave right then and there. Did I mention the trust, lack of grounding, and vodka-Kool-Aid?
To make a long story shorter, that night, I ended up sleeping with him. The next night, he fed me the things to say to my boyfriend in order to break up with him. Let me tell you, those were the longest twenty minutes of my life, and not a day goes by that I wish I could take them back. The following morning, I went to my priestess to explain what happened.
So, you ever in a situation in which you know something bad has happened, but you can’t comprehend it unless a third party explains it to you? **Points to self** She pointed out clear as day how every twist in turn in this convoluted story came back to Chris, and how I had gotten seduced. A good cry later, I realized what an absolute sucker I had been.
I’m sure you have had a number of moments reading this where you’ve wanted to scream “STOP!!!” at me across cyberspace. Believe me, not a day goes by where I wished I had taken a step back and realized just what a grand-scale mistake I had made. The simple fact is, even though I’ve been a Wiccan for close to four years now, and even though I considered myself seasoned enough to know when I’m being played, I fell for every trick in the book.
Do I realize my mistakes? Yes. Do I take responsibility in my role in this story? Hell yes. Have I learned from my mistakes? As best I can, and I’m still taking in the lessons that this story has presented me. Maybe somewhere out there Coyote Spirit, Loki, Set, or whatever trickster deity had a hand in setting up these events is looking down on me, watching to see if I have grown from this experience. In a way, I would thank them if that’s the case.
By now, you’ve probably recognized all the mistakes I made in the process of this event, and hopefully you haven’t been scared off by the possibility that something along these lines could happen to you. I pray they don’t, but to be on the safe side, here are a few tips to keep in the back of your mind in case you feel something is not quite right.
Ground and Center: During ANY ritual, be sure to ground before and after. It keeps you from falling into a spiritual high afterward, which could leave your defenses down and make even the most inane of lies seem like truth to you.
Reserve Refusal: If at ANY time during a ritual you feel uncomfortable with what’s going on, leave. Reserve the right to do so, and if you feel in your gut that it’s wrong, then follow that instinct.
Ask for Paperwork: When someone claims to be this, that, and another, ask for paperwork to back it up. Most legal clergy have certified legal documents, which shows they can perform such things as weddings, funeral, Wiccanings etc.. Also, many traditions offer their own certificates, and many esoteric practitioners (such as that of Reiki) do the same. If they offer seemingly irrational reasons as to why they don’t have such paperwork, take that as a hint.
Avoid Alcohol: When you’re first meeting with a group, avoid drug/alcohol consumption when offered. If they use it for established practices, let them, but don’t engage in it until you’ve witnessed it a few times. I don’t really need to lecture why drinking lowers one’s critical perspective, but just keep such a thing in mind.
Make Trust Earned: The idea of perfect love and perfect trust is amazing – when we’re actually with trusted people. Let’s face it, we’re still not at the age when we can freely trust everybody to be honest and right. Before you give up your secrets, truths, and person to another, in any sense of the word, make them earn your trust. Never give away so freely.
Take Everything With Lumps of Salt: If someone claims to be something extraordinary, even by our religions’ standards, you don’t necessarily have to argue with them. But generally, those with such abilities won’t boast about them. Remember, it’s always the one who proclaims their greatness the most who have none of it at all.
All this may be common sense, and indeed the list is far from complete. But I’m of the mind that we as a community (and for us young’ins, as a group) are in dire need of a return to rationality and common sense. I wish that I had been reminded of such things before I fell into this trap. To all the readers out there, let this be a cautionary tale as to what can happen when we let hucksters take us for a ride, and a reminder of what not to do if such a case were to arise in your life.
For those wanting a happy ending, here it is: my boyfriend and I are indeed back together. He understands how things played out, and despite wanting to strangle Chris (who wouldn’t?), he’s forgiven me and has entrusted me once again. I’m so happy and grateful for him, and though I’m still working on fully forgiving myself, it’s a process that needs to work itself out. I’ve learned my lesson (albeit the hard way), and I’m moving on to what I see as a long and happy life with him. Thank you for your time, and blessed be.
Thanks for the story, Shadow! There aren't enough reminders for those newbies out there :)
Posted by: Abel | November 11, 2008 at 08:39 PM